


if we pretend

by Spades



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always the Opposite Sex, Angst, Arc Reactor, F/M, Fear, Male!Pepper, Nightmares, Other, Tony Has Issues, female!Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 13:27:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spades/pseuds/Spades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything's over and done with and she can fucking breathe finally – except, really, she can't. She had the man who basically raised her cut her shirt through the middle and gently – ever so gently – take the thing that was keeping her alive out of her chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if we pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the avengerskink meme prompt wanting something to do with how different it would be for fem!Tony during iron man when stane steals the arc reactor.  
> this has a lot more to do with tony's aftermath and not being able to trust people and how she comes to sleep in certain ways now, etc, etc. idk.  
> unbetad all mistakes are miiiine.

Everything's over and done with and she can fucking breathe finally – except, really, she can't. She had the man who basically raised her cut her shirt through the middle and gently – ever so gently – take the thing that was keeping her alive out of her chest. Then he told her the truth, he wanted her to die. Last golden egg, nothing could top it. Then suddenly there had been life and she was coming done from the high and all that was left was the knowledge that Obie-- No, no, not Obie anymore, _Stane_ was dead and her hands were coated in his blood and the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that reminded her that the man she thought she could trust had not only violated her faith in him, but had in some way – some-fucking-how had violated _her_.

Pepper's hands were stroking through short brown, soothing her or at least trying to calm her down enough from the hysterical crying that came after the rage (so much rage, there was the drinking and then suddenly she found three decanters smashed and Pepper had to intervene – catching her against his body and letting the smaller's tears come). They were alone and those hands simply touched, petted and Tony couldn't find it in her to tell Pepper not to touch her – lord knew how hurt Pepper would look after those words would come from her – that she felt disgusted with all sorts of touching, but there was sweet, kind Virgil Potts treating his employer like she was some kind of fragile glass all over again. Tony owed him this – owed him the allowance to prove she was alive.

Tony hated it, feeling weak against the chest she was rested against – the knowing and the hating and _how could she be so blind_. She didn't even realize it when Pepper pushed her up and guided her to bed. Almost as if this had happened a million times before (and it had, oh god, she could barely remember the sheer amount of times where Pepper had to put her to bed) and it fell to repetitive motions – until his hands went to the edges of her shirt to lift it off of her. 

It felt like it was in slow motion, the hands lifting and then suddenly there was only a reaction and memories and Tony began fighting, squirming and crying all over again. There was punches against Pepper's solid chest and shoves and desperate to get away – fear lingering in every sense (she would joke about fear tasting like really tequila laced with regret to anyone who would ask) around her. Pepper looked confused and then suddenly Tony was alone, with a quiet; “Goodnight Tony.”

Tony didn't sleep that night, Pepper didn't even come the next day, in fact, Tony managed three solid nights without sleep and Pepper didn't even show his freckle-dotted face even once. On the fourth night Tony tried to sleep, knowing that when the coffee pots wouldn't turn on that she really had no other way to run from it. So she sagged into her bed and pretended that she wasn't scared that someone was watching her. 

It was then she developed the habit of sleeping lightly and on her stomach, it was then the nightmares that left her trembling and awake started and it was then she realized how fucked up her relationship with Stane (always Stane now, never Obie never _ever_ Obie) had really been. 

Rhodey came to see her three days after that, his arm slung around her shoulder and he's telling her that Pepper was on vacation and that he had been elected to take over for the other man and it's three hours after watching TV with him that she realizes that she never wants to be in this house again. She doesn't tell him this, instead finds herself sleeping restfully for the first time since the whole ordeal. 

Rhodey was the one who found her, her fucking _Chocolate Thunder_ found her and helped her get up and into the Iron Man suit. Rhodey didn't bring up the fact that he found her there with her shirt spliced down the middle and how fucking terrified she looked there, in fact Rhodey just kept her there, by his side and when she woke up with his arm wrapped tight around her, his face buried into her hair she realizes that _yeah, I owe him way too much too_.

He stays until Pepper comes back, he watches her like a hawk, he makes her eat and sleep and he's never to far away. They share a bed and he doesn't even complain like normal when there is a Tony Stark shaped octopus wrapped around him and _drooling_ on him, her arc reactor pressed downwards and into his body. 

She fucking knows he's the real deal and when he leaves her there with Pepper, staring down at her with a bruised jaw and red stubble all over, Tony _misses_ him. She smiles though, bright and charming, she's terrified still – Pepper and her both know it, but now isn't the time. Not when there's so much to do between them and not enough time to even do it during. So instead, she insults Pepper and Pepper insults her back and everything's fucking fine again.

Because the nights where Tony wakes up in a cold sweat and alone aren't as scary as the dreams where she _knows_ she can't give the people she cares about the one piece of her they should've had years ago and they leave her in the dust or the dreams where it's like watching herself being tortured from a different perspective, though still feeling everything. 

If Rhodey ever said anything to Pepper about how he found her, Pepper never says anything. Because Pepper is Pepper and he'll care about Antonia Stark as long as he can and as silently as he can and they both seem to agree that everything is fine as long as they don't talk about Stane. 

Because if they don't talk about it, there isn't a problem or at least they pretend it's that easy.


End file.
